Publika.az\u00a0c\u0259mi\u00a0doqquz\u00a0ay evli olan c\u00fctl\u00fcy\u00fcn yar\u0131m qalm\u0131\u015f sevgi hekay\u0259sini Qaratel xan\u0131m\u0131n dilind\u0259n t\u0259qdim edir:<\/p>\n
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Bu bar\u0259d\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fmaq \u00e7\u0259tindir… Biz \u0259slind\u0259 eyni universitetd\u0259 oxumu\u015fuq, 2009-2013-c\u00fc ill\u0259rd\u0259 Bak\u0131 D\u00f6vl\u0259t Universitetinin kimya v\u0259 biologiya fak\u00fclt\u0259l\u0259rinin t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259l\u0259ri olmu\u015fuq. Ancaq m\u0259n Az\u0259rbaycan, Nadir is\u0259 rus b\u00f6lm\u0259sind\u0259 oxuyub. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 bir-birimizin yan\u0131ndan ke\u00e7mi\u015fik, q\u0259rib\u0259dir ki, h\u0259yat bizi h\u0259min d\u00f6vrd\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fd\u0131rmad\u0131. Biz ill\u0259r sonra –\u00a02016-c\u0131 ild\u0259 \u015e\u0259mkird\u0259 tan\u0131\u015f olduq. \u015e\u0259mkird\u0259 \u015f\u0259rab zavodunda yeni i\u015f\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, eyni yerd\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259yirdik. Orada qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmaq qism\u0259t imi\u015f. H\u0259yat\u0131n biz\u0259 ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00f6rd\u00a0ilini ya\u015faya bildik… (S\u0259si tutulur).<\/p>\n
Nadir evin n\u0259\u015f\u0259si idi, \u00e7ox \u0259yl\u0259nc\u0259li, mehriban, deyib-g\u00fcl\u0259n, nikbin ruhlu adam idi. B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rimiz onunla getdi… Nadirin c\u0259naz\u0259si g\u0259tiril\u0259nd\u0259 onu hiss etdim ki, h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n r\u0259ngl\u0259ri ax\u0131b getdi. Nadia il\u0259 o r\u0259ngl\u0259r yava\u015f-yava\u015f qay\u0131d\u0131r, solan r\u0259ngl\u0259rimi yenid\u0259n canland\u0131r\u0131r. Yax\u015f\u0131 ki, Nadia var. Bu g\u00fcn m\u00fcbariz\u0259 apar\u0131ramsa, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00fccl\u00fc v\u0259 m\u00fcbariz hiss edir\u0259ms\u0259, ham\u0131s\u0131 Nadia \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnd\u00fcr. Q\u0131z\u0131m atas\u0131na ox\u015fay\u0131r, qa\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n t\u0259k t\u00fck\u00fcn istiqam\u0259ti bel\u0259 Nadirdir.<\/p>\n
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Nadir G\u0259d\u0259b\u0259y q\u0131z\u0131l zavodunda i\u015fl\u0259yirdi, kimya\u00e7\u0131 m\u00fch\u0259ndis idi. \u015e\u0259hid olanda h\u0259yat\u0131 \u00e7ox sor\u011fulad\u0131m ki, biz onu qoruya bilm\u0259dik, ya qism\u0259ti onu m\u00fcharib\u0259y\u0259 apard\u0131?\u00a0Bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t sonra bu q\u0259na\u0259t\u0259 g\u0259ldim ki, \u015f\u0259hidlik Nadirin qism\u0259ti imi\u015f, biz bunu ya\u015famal\u0131 idik. Sentyabr\u0131n 21-d\u0259 Nadir \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131\u015f \u0259sas\u0131nda c\u0259bh\u0259y\u0259 yolland\u0131. Nadird\u0259n he\u00e7 vaxt bu s\u00f6z\u00fc g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259zdim, onda m\u00fcharib\u0259nin ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131ndan da he\u00e7 kimin x\u0259b\u0259ri yox idi. Evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xmazdan \u0259vv\u0259l m\u0259ni d\u00f6n\u0259-d\u00f6n\u0259 qucaqlay\u0131b sar\u0131ld\u0131 v\u0259 \u00f6p\u00fcb dedi ki, bird\u0259n g\u0259lm\u0259r\u0259m… (A\u011flay\u0131r\u0131q).<\/p>\n
K\u00f6rp\u0259mizin cinsiyy\u0259tini m\u00fcharib\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131qdan sonra \u00f6yr\u0259ndim, telefonla dan\u0131\u015fanda bu x\u0259b\u0259ri ver\u0259 bildim, q\u0131z atas\u0131 olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bil\u0259nd\u0259 g\u00fcld\u00fc v\u0259 \u00e7ox sevindi. Ba\u015fqa bir dan\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda is\u0259 g\u00fcl\u0259r\u0259k demi\u015fdi ki, bird\u0259n m\u0259n g\u0259lm\u0259r\u0259m, n\u0259s\u0259 olsa, q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n ad\u0131n\u0131 ad\u0131ma uy\u011fun qoy. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 Nadian\u0131 Nadirin ad\u0131na uy\u011funla\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131m. Nadia atas\u0131n\u0131n do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259 t\u0259bii do\u011fu\u015fla d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259lib.\u00a0Ba\u015f ver\u0259n h\u0259r bir hadis\u0259nin ilahi bir s\u0259b\u0259bi var. Nadian\u0131n h\u0259min g\u00fcnd\u0259 d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259lm\u0259si qism\u0259timizin davam\u0131 idi. Nadirin ruhu q\u0131z\u0131na \u00e7ox yax\u0131nd\u0131r, el\u0259 bilir\u0259m ki, b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fckc\u0259 bir \u00e7ox atal\u0131 u\u015faqdan daha \u00e7ox atas\u0131n\u0131 hiss ed\u0259c\u0259k, Nadir daim biziml\u0259dir, buna inan\u0131ram.<\/p>\n
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Nadird\u0259n sonra \u00e7ox d\u0259yi\u015fdim, h\u0259yat m\u0259ni m\u00f6hk\u0259m olma\u011fa m\u0259cbur edir. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcnd\u00fcr ki, bunu yax\u0131nlar\u0131ma da deyir\u0259m. \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r daha z\u0259rif idims\u0259, indi g\u00fccl\u00fc v\u0259 m\u00fcbariz\u0259m. Nadia b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259nd\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda g\u00fccl\u00fc v\u0259 xo\u015fb\u0259xt ana g\u00f6rm\u0259lidir. Z\u0259if olma\u011f\u0131 ham\u0131 bacar\u0131r, \u00e7\u0259tin olan g\u00fccl\u00fc dayanmaqd\u0131r. Nadian\u0131n varl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l t\u0259s\u0259llimdir. Nadirin ana v\u0259 atas\u0131n\u0131n, el\u0259 m\u0259nim ail\u0259min d\u0259 \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcld\u00fcr\u0259n Nadiad\u0131r. \u015e\u00fck\u00fcr ki, bu g\u00fcn q\u0259lbimizin sevinm\u0259y\u0259 s\u0259b\u0259bi var. Q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n \u015f\u0131ltaql\u0131\u011f\u0131, bir g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fc, bax\u0131\u015f\u0131 b\u00fct\u00fcn ail\u0259y\u0259 sevinc g\u0259tirir.<\/p>\n
Nadir b\u0259l\u0259d\u00e7im idi, passiv oldu\u011fum zamanlarda bel\u0259 qabiliyy\u0259tim\u0259 inan\u0131rd\u0131, amma t\u0259nb\u0259l oldu\u011fumu deyirdi. K\u00f6hn\u0259 mesajlar\u0131m\u0131za baxanda tapd\u0131m ki, bir i\u015fim\u0259 \u201cS\u0259nin g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yin g\u00f6z\u0259ldir\u201d yazm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. El\u0259 bir v\u0259ziyy\u0259t\u0259 g\u0259ldim ki, h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259t\u0259 ke\u00e7m\u0259li, i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259li idim, passiv qala bilm\u0259zdim.<\/p>\n
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Universitet\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015fmaq m\u0259rh\u0259l\u0259sin\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 4-c\u00fc qrupu se\u00e7dim, Bak\u0131 D\u00f6vl\u0259t Universitetinin Kimya Fak\u00fclt\u0259sin\u0259 daxil oldum. 4-c\u00fc kursda harada olmaq v\u0259 n\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259 m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olmaq ist\u0259yim haqq\u0131nda daha ayd\u0131n t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcrl\u0259rim yarand\u0131. Buna baxmayaraq, b\u0259zi d\u00f6vl\u0259t i\u015fl\u0259rind\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, ancaq bu da m\u0259ni qane etm\u0259di. Saat 9-dan 6-ya q\u0259d\u0259r ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n x\u0259yal\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259k yerin\u0259, \u00f6z x\u0259yallar\u0131m\u0131 realla\u015fd\u0131rmaq arzusu daha \u00fcst\u00fcn g\u0259ldi. Sonuncu i\u015f yerimd\u0259n ayr\u0131ld\u0131qdan sonra \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 s\u00f6z verdim ki, bir daha d\u00f6vl\u0259t i\u015find\u0259 v\u0259 ya h\u0259r hans\u0131\u00a0\u00f6z\u0259l sektorda masaba\u015f\u0131 bir i\u015f rejimin\u0259 qay\u0131tmayacam. Bel\u0259likl\u0259 \u00f6z i\u015fim\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m, qazansam da, qazanmasam da r\u0259sm \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k ruhumu qidaland\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n
R\u0259sml\u0259 u\u015faql\u0131qdan maraqlan\u0131ram, bir \u00e7ox insanlarda \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k qabiliyy\u0259ti var, \u0259sas \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k yox,\u00a0o ruh hal\u0131n\u0131 da\u015f\u0131ya bilm\u0259k v\u0259 sev\u0259r\u0259k yana\u015fmaqd\u0131r. M\u00fc\u0259llimim olmay\u0131b. \u015e\u0259mkir\u0259 qay\u0131td\u0131qdan sonra \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc inki\u015faf etdirm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. Ham\u0131dan \u00f6yr\u0259nmi\u015f\u0259m des\u0259m, daha do\u011fru olar. R\u0259ssamlar\u0131n yarad\u0131c\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 izl\u0259dim, texnikalar\u0131 ara\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131m v\u0259 t\u0259dric\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc inki\u015faf etdirdim.<\/p>\n
Haz\u0131rda daha \u00e7ox milli nax\u0131\u015f v\u0259 ornamentl\u0259r\u0259 y\u00f6n\u0259lmi\u015f\u0259m, \u00fcmumiyy\u0259tl\u0259 milli ab-havada olan \u0259s\u0259rl\u0259r xo\u015fuma g\u0259lir, buna kolleksiya kimi yana\u015f\u0131ram. Az\u0259rbaycan tarixind\u0259 iz qoymu\u015f xan\u0131mlar\u0131 \u00f6n\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xarmaq, onlar\u0131 g\u0259ncl\u0259rimiz\u0259 tan\u0131tmaq v\u0259 yaxud xat\u0131rlatmaq qar\u015f\u0131ma qoydu\u011fum m\u0259qs\u0259dl\u0259rd\u0259n biridir. Az\u0259rbaycan tarixin\u0259 n\u0259z\u0259r salsaq, g\u00f6r\u0259rik ki, yet\u0259ri q\u0259d\u0259r iz qoymu\u015f qad\u0131nlar\u0131m\u0131z var. Hans\u0131 ki, onlar ilkl\u0259ri bacar\u0131blar. K\u00f6yn\u0259yimin \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcz r\u0259sm d\u0259 sonuncu \u015eu\u015fa xan\u0131 – Mehdiqulu xan\u0131n q\u0131z\u0131, Qaraba\u011f xanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n son varisi Xur\u015fidbanu olub. O, ilk \u015fair\u0259 v\u0259 ilk r\u0259ssam xan\u0131m olub. Burada onun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00f6lg\u0259y\u0259 aid olan milli xal\u00e7a ornamentl\u0259rind\u0259n istifad\u0259 etmi\u015f\u0259m. M\u0259hs\u0259ti G\u0259nc\u0259vi d\u0259 ilk \u015fahmat\u00e7\u0131 v\u0259 \u015fair\u0259 xan\u0131mlar\u0131m\u0131zdan olub. Xur\u015fidbanu Natavana b\u00f6y\u00fck r\u0259\u011fb\u0259t b\u0259sl\u0259yir\u0259m. Eyni zamanda Uzun H\u0259s\u0259nin anas\u0131 Sara Xatun diplomatik g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rd\u0259 a\u011f\u0131r \u00e7\u0259kisi olan xadimdir.<\/p>\n
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Hiss etdiyim, b\u0259y\u0259ndiyim r\u0259sm \u0259s\u0259rl\u0259rimin t\u0259kc\u0259 ka\u011f\u0131z \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 qalmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259mir\u0259m. Eyni zamanda m\u0259i\u015f\u0259t\u0259 v\u0259 insanlar\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131na daxil olmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259dim. \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259 ki, h\u0259r i\u015fin \u00e7\u0259tinliyi olur, x\u00fcsusil\u0259 ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c s\u0259viyy\u0259sind\u0259s\u0259ns\u0259. \u201cGARA\u201d\u00a0brendimi daha \u00e7ox insana tan\u0131tmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn m\u0259n\u0259 zaman laz\u0131md\u0131r.<\/p>\n
2016-c\u0131 ild\u0259 Az\u0259rbaycan D\u00f6vl\u0259t R\u0259ssaml\u0131q Akademiyas\u0131na daxil olmu\u015fdum, ancaq h\u0259min ild\u0259 m\u00fc\u0259yy\u0259n s\u0259b\u0259bl\u0259rd\u0259n ged\u0259 bilm\u0259mi\u015fdim. Bu il yenid\u0259n i\u015f verdim v\u0259 q\u0259bul oldum. Ancaq akademiyan\u0131n r\u0259ftar\u0131ndan sonra getm\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 q\u0259rar verdim. Onlar\u0131n m\u00fcnasib\u0259tini Nadirin ruhuna h\u00f6rm\u0259tsizlik adland\u0131r\u0131ram. Bu bar\u0259d\u0259 \u00e7ox dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m, ola bil\u0259r ki, \u00e7ox h\u0259ssasla\u015fm\u0131\u015fam, ki\u00e7ik bir s\u00f6z, ki\u00e7ik bir bigan\u0259lik bel\u0259 m\u0259ni incid\u0259 bilir.<\/p>\n
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Tez-tez yuxular\u0131ma g\u0259lir, Nadirin h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n yan\u0131mda oldu\u011fu, \u015f\u00fcuralt\u0131m\u0131n oyunu olmayan yuxular\u0131 se\u00e7\u0259 bilir\u0259m. Onu h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259ki kimi g\u00fcl\u0259r\u00fcz, \u015f\u0259n ovqatda v\u0259 oldu\u011fu durumdan raz\u0131 v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m.<\/p>\n
\u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r Nadirin r\u0259sml\u0259rini sev\u0259r\u0259k \u00e7\u0259kirdim, amma indi \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259tindir. Bundan sonra n\u0259 zamansa Nadirin fotolar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0259k\u0259r\u0259mmi, bilmir\u0259m. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m ki, Nadiri r\u0259sm ed\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m art\u0131q, haz\u0131rda o g\u00fcc\u0259 sahib deyil\u0259m v\u0259 onu neqativ enerji il\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k ist\u0259mir\u0259m.<\/p>\n
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\u0130st\u0259r \u00e7\u0131x\u0131lmaz bir v\u0259ziyy\u0259tl\u0259 \u00fcz-\u00fcz\u0259 qalanda, ist\u0259rs\u0259 d\u0259 \u0259n u\u011furlu bir g\u00fcnd\u0259 \u201cH\u0259yatda olsayd\u0131, atam n\u0259 c\u00fcr reaksiya ver\u0259rdi\u201d sual\u0131n\u0131n m\u00fc\u0259mmal\u0131 sonlu\u011funda cavab axtar\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131xmaq b\u00fct\u00fcn \u015f\u0259hid \u00f6vladlar\u0131n\u0131n ortaq bir x\u00fcsusiyy\u0259tdir. Bu m\u0259qal\u0259nin q\u0259hr\u0259man\u0131 F\u00fczuli v\u0259 C\u0259bray\u0131l istiqmatl\u0259rind\u0259 ged\u0259n d\u00f6y\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rd\u0259 \u015f\u0259hid olan Nadir Nadirlinin \u0259ll\u0259ril\u0259 m\u00f6c\u00fcz\u0259l\u0259r yaradan r\u0259ssam h\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131 Qaratel Nadirli v\u0259 onun k\u00f6rp\u0259 balas\u0131 Nadiad\u0131r. Anal\u0131q xo\u015fb\u0259xtliyi il\u0259 sevdiyi insan\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 eyni anda h\u0259m q\u0259lbind\u0259, h\u0259m d\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259 da\u015f\u0131yan \u015f\u0259hid xan\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn r\u0259ngl\u0259rinin Nadirl\u0259 birlikd\u0259 ax\u0131b gets\u0259 d\u0259, k\u00f6rp\u0259 balas\u0131\u00a0ona \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r g\u00f6rm\u0259diyi r\u0259ngl\u0259ri a\u00e7\u0131r. 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