– Niy\u0259 ham\u0131dan k\u0259nara \u00e7\u0259kilib t\u0259k oturmusan?
\n– N\u0259 bilim… S\u0259s-k\u00fcy\u00fc xo\u015flam\u0131ram. H\u0259r\u0259nin \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259rdi var, m\u0259nims\u0259 d\u0259rdim \u00e7ox b\u00f6y\u00fckd\u00fcr (g\u00f6zl\u0259ri dolur- red.)<\/p>\n
Sakitl\u0259\u015fdirm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131ram. Fikrini yay\u0131nd\u0131rmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn sual verir\u0259m…<\/p>\n
– N\u0259dir d\u0259rdin? B\u0259lk\u0259 s\u00f6hb\u0259t ed\u0259k?
\n– \u0130ndiki a\u011fl\u0131m olsayd\u0131, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 bu boyda d\u0259rdim olmazd\u0131.<\/p>\n
– B\u0259s, ne\u00e7\u0259 ya\u015f\u0131nda v\u0259 nec\u0259 oldu ail\u0259 qurdun?
\n– (Hikk\u0259 il\u0259- red.) Ehhh… m\u0259n da\u011flar q\u0131z\u0131, k\u0259nd q\u0131z\u0131yam. U\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m atas\u0131z ke\u00e7ib. Bir anam, iki qarda\u015f\u0131m var. 16 ya\u015f\u0131mdan h\u0259yat\u0131m pu\u00e7 olub (susur-red.)<\/p>\n
– Niy\u0259 pu\u00e7 olub?
\n– Uzaq k\u0259ndd\u0259n el\u00e7i g\u0259lmi\u015fdi m\u0259n\u0259. Birinci d\u0259f\u0259 anam verm\u0259di. Ancaq onlar \u0259l \u00e7\u0259km\u0259dil\u0259r. D\u00f6n\u0259-d\u00f6n\u0259 el\u00e7i g\u0259ldil\u0259r. El\u0259 oldu ki, b\u00f6y\u00fck qarda\u015f\u0131m anamla raz\u0131la\u015fd\u0131 v\u0259 m\u0259ni ni\u015fanlad\u0131lar. Qaynanamgil ni\u015fandan 10-15 g\u00fcn sonra t\u0259cili toyu el\u0259dil\u0259r. Ancaq m\u0259n ist\u0259mirdim. N\u0259ys\u0259, evl\u0259ndik m\u0259n Bak\u0131n\u0131n Qobu q\u0259s\u0259b\u0259sin\u0259 g\u0259lin g\u0259ldim. Ail\u0259 qurdu\u011fumuz m\u00fcdd\u0259t \u0259rzind\u0259 mehriban v\u0259 \u015fad-firavan ya\u015fama\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259km\u0259di. Q\u0131sa s\u00fcr\u0259n xo\u015fb\u0259xtliyimiz z\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Yolda\u015f\u0131m \u00f6z\u00fc \u00f6z \u0259m\u0259ll\u0259ri il\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131za z\u0259h\u0259r qatma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. \u00dc\u00e7 balamla g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz qara, \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259yimiz para oldu. Ta ki, bu g\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259n ya\u015famaq n\u0259dir bilm\u0259dim. H\u0259r g\u00fcn \u00f6l\u00fcb dirildim.<\/p>\n
– N\u0259 oldu ki, \u0259rin bird\u0259n-bir\u0259 bel\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fdi?
\n– \u018frim ilin 12 ay g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fc yatmaqla yubad\u0131rd\u0131. Pis v\u0259rdi\u015fl\u0259rin alud\u0259\u00e7isin\u0259 \u00e7evrilmi\u015fdi. \u018fvv\u0259l-\u0259vv\u0259l hiss el\u0259mirdim, ancaq bir d\u0259f\u0259 onu g\u00fcdd\u00fcm. N\u0259s\u0259, n\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 a\u011fr\u0131d\u0131m, g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. U\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb anamgil\u0259 getdim. Anama h\u0259r \u015feyi dan\u0131\u015f\u0131b bo\u015fanmaq ist\u0259diyimi dedim. Anam raz\u0131 idi bo\u015fan\u0131m, ancaq qarda\u015flar\u0131m imkan verm\u0259dil\u0259r. Qayn\u0131m arxamca g\u0259ldi, \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 atas\u0131z b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u00fcz\u0259l\u0259r. Balalar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb qayn\u0131mla evim\u0259 qay\u0131td\u0131m. Ka\u015f ki… ka\u015f ki, qay\u0131tmazd\u0131m. \u018frim n\u0259\u015f\u0259xorun yek\u0259sidir, b\u00fct\u00fcn k\u0259nd, el-oba onu n\u0259\u015f\u0259xor kimi tan\u0131y\u0131r. \u0130\u00e7ir araqdan, \u00e7\u0259kir n\u0259\u015f\u0259d\u0259n, a\u011fl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda olmur. Orda-burda kefin \u00e7\u0259kir, ev\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259n kimi d\u0259 bizi bas\u0131b d\u00f6y\u00fcr.<\/p>\n
\u018fll\u0259ri qabarl\u0131, g\u00f6zl\u0259ri n\u0259mli, bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131 fikirli idi…<\/p>\n
– \u018frin narkotik alud\u0259\u00e7isidir?
\n– (\u018fs\u0259bl\u0259- red.) H\u0259\u0259\u0259… alud\u0259\u00e7isidir yox e, narkotikin anas\u0131d\u0131r. H\u0259m \u00e7\u0259kir, h\u0259m d\u0259 alver\u00e7isidir. Ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 ac\u0131q edib getmi\u015f\u0259m. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259sind\u0259 d\u0259 ya anas\u0131gil, ya da \u00f6z\u00fc dal\u0131mca g\u0259lib. Bo\u015fanmaq ist\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, imkan verm\u0259yibl\u0259r. H\u0259l\u0259 bir d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259ni h\u0259y\u0259tin ortas\u0131nda taxtayla o q\u0259d\u0259r d\u00f6yd\u00fc ki, iki g\u00fcn hu\u015fsuz v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 qald\u0131m. Ay\u0131landan sonra balalar\u0131m\u0131 da g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb yen\u0259 anamgil\u0259 getdim. H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 bel\u0259 olub da, he\u00e7 a\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7mam\u0131\u015f m\u0259n\u0259 bir toylar tutub ki. Nec\u0259 dey\u0259rl\u0259r, n\u0259 yemis\u0259n tur\u015fulu a\u015f…
\nS\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc bitirm\u0259mi\u015f h\u00f6nk\u00fcrt\u00fc il\u0259 a\u011flama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259qiq\u0259lik m\u0259n d\u0259 susdum. \u018fslind\u0259 s\u00f6z tapmad\u0131m dem\u0259y\u0259 v\u0259 sakitl\u0259\u015fm\u0259yini g\u00f6zl\u0259dim. Ara sakitl\u0259\u015fdikd\u0259n sonra is\u0259 davam etdim…<\/p>\n
– Sonra n\u0259l\u0259r ba\u015f verdi?
\n– He\u00e7 n\u0259… yen\u0259 d\u0259 eyni adamd\u0131r, he\u00e7 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259yib. \u0130ll\u0259rdir ancaq el-al\u0259min q\u0131na\u011f\u0131na, anam\u0131n, qarda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n “d\u00f6z, otur”, dem\u0259sin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 susub oturmu\u015fdum. Daha bezdim, ax\u0131 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r olar? U\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131nda al\u00e7ald\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m, qayn\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131nda m\u0259n\u0259 \u00f6l\u00fc-diri, a\u011f\u0131z-\u00fcz qalm\u0131rd\u0131 s\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fc. Art\u0131q o q\u0259d\u0259r qudurmu\u015fdu ki, u\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131nda narkotik q\u0259bul edirdi. Qumar oynay\u0131rd\u0131, uduzurdu, qap\u0131m\u0131 borclular k\u0259sirdi. Aylarla ev\u0259 g\u0259lmirdi, gedib \u0259xlaqs\u0131z qad\u0131nlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda qal\u0131rd\u0131. Yaz\u0131q qayn\u0131m borclar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6d\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259n sonra ev\u0259 g\u0259lirdi. Guya g\u0259lm\u0259yi n\u0259 idi ki?! G\u0259lirdi, g\u0259l\u0259n kimi d\u0259 telefon z\u0259ngl\u0259ri susmurdu. A\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131b s\u00f6z dey\u0259 bilmirdim, dey\u0259n kimi d\u0259 ya s\u00f6y\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcm, ya da d\u00f6y\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcm. U\u015faqlar\u0131m x\u0259st\u0259liy\u0259 tutulmu\u015fdu. Bir qad\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6vladlar\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r al\u00e7altmaq olar?<\/p>\n
Burnunu g\u00f6st\u0259rir…<\/p>\n
– Burnuma bax\u0131n… Bir d\u0259f\u0259 yen\u0259 m\u0259ni o q\u0259d\u0259r d\u00f6yd\u00fc ki, burnuma o q\u0259d\u0259r yumruq vurdu ki… Burnumda s\u00fcm\u00fck yoxdu, ovuq-ovuqdu (a\u011flay\u0131r- red.). G\u00f6r\u00fcn, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u015f\u0259r\u0259fsiz ki\u015fidir. Ondan o q\u0259d\u0259r iyr\u0259nir\u0259m ki, \u0259rim bel\u0259 dem\u0259y\u0259 utan\u0131ram. M\u0259n c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259m, m\u0259n arvad\u0131 idim d\u0259. B\u0259s, u\u015faqlar\u0131m? U\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131 niy\u0259 d\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fc? O k\u00f6rp\u0259l\u0259ri el\u0259 d\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fc ki, yaz\u0131qlar qorxular\u0131ndan \u00f6zl\u0259rini bat\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131lar. O el\u0259 qudur\u011fan, \u0259claf adam idi ki.<\/p>\n
Susur… G\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 qabarl\u0131 \u0259ll\u0259rinin ovuclar\u0131na s\u0131x\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259qiq\u0259d\u0259n sonra \u00f6z\u00fc s\u00f6hb\u0259t\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r:
\n– H\u0259r g\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259kirdi n\u0259\u015f\u0259ni, dururdu h\u0259y\u0259tin ortas\u0131nda a\u011fz\u0131na g\u0259l\u0259n \u0259xlaqs\u0131z, k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259 qad\u0131n\u0131na yara\u015fan, pis-pis s\u00f6y\u00fc\u015fl\u0259r s\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fc. Qon\u015fular da art\u0131q bo\u011faza y\u0131\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, ancaq qorxular\u0131ndan bir s\u00f6z dey\u0259 bilmirdil\u0259r. Bir adam ki \u00f6z arvad\u0131n\u0131, u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6y\u0259, qon\u015fuya n\u0259 bax\u0131r.<\/p>\n
– B\u0259s, niy\u0259 polis\u0259 \u015fikay\u0259t etmirdin?
\n– Onsuz da narkotik q\u0259bul etdiyin\u0259, satd\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 h\u0259ft\u0259 s\u0259kkiz, m\u0259n doqquz polis\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 qayn\u0131m polisd\u0259n qutarm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Qayn\u0131m qutarmasayd\u0131, \u0259n az\u0131 3-5 il t\u00fcrm\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcy\u0259c\u0259kdi. Ancaq n\u0259 xeyri, yen\u0259 eyni yol, eyni \u0259m\u0259ld\u0259dir.<\/p>\n
S\u00f6hb\u0259t \u0259snas\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131qca \u00e7ox emosional g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fc…<\/p>\n
– Bura nec\u0259 oldu g\u0259ldin?<\/p>\n
– Art\u0131q axr\u0131nc\u0131 d\u0259f\u0259 h\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n d\u0259 evd\u0259n \u00fcz d\u00f6nd\u0259rib \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. Dem\u0259k, s\u0259h\u0259r tezd\u0259n o\u011flumla \u0259rim h\u0259y\u0259td\u0259 idil\u0259r. N\u0259s\u0259, telefonuna z\u0259ng g\u0259ldi, q\u0131\u015fq\u0131ra-q\u0131\u015fq\u0131ra dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Telefonu s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fckd\u0259n sonra s\u0259b\u0259bsiz yer\u0259 u\u015fa\u011fa ili\u015fdi. U\u015fa\u011f\u0131 bas\u0131b d\u00f6yd\u00fc. M\u0259n evd\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131b u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u0259lind\u0259n almaq ist\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259, \u0259lind\u0259ki taxtayla ba\u015f\u0131ma-ba\u015f\u0131ma vurdu. \u00d6z\u00fcmd\u0259n getdim, bu da \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b ged\u0259r. U\u015faqlar m\u0259ni ay\u0131ltd\u0131, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259n sonra u\u015faqlar\u0131 da g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb polis\u0259 getdim. Polisd\u0259 d\u0259 birc\u0259 onu dedim ki, “m\u0259n \u0259rimd\u0259n bo\u015fanmaq, evim\u0259 qay\u0131tmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m”. Onlar da m\u0259ni bura g\u0259tirdil\u0259r. Bu d\u0259f\u0259 onu ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamayacam. \u00c7ox ba\u011f\u0131\u015flam\u0131\u015fam, al\u00e7alm\u0131\u015fam, amma art\u0131q gecdir. D\u00fczd\u00fcr, h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm ki, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 n\u0259 zamansa o d\u0259yi\u015f\u0259c\u0259k. \u018fvv\u0259lki kimi adam olacaq. N\u0259 xeyri, he\u00e7 n\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259di. Son q\u0259rar\u0131m ondan bo\u015fanmaq v\u0259 uzaq olmaqd\u0131. H\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 onsuz qurmaq, balalar\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259k ba\u015f\u0131na b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u0259k. He\u00e7 anamgil\u0259 d\u0259 qay\u0131tmayacam, \u00e7\u00fcnki onlar balalar\u0131m\u0131 q\u0259bul etm\u0259dil\u0259r. Q\u0259bul ets\u0259ydil\u0259r m\u0259n buralara \u00fcz tutmazd\u0131m. Onlar m\u0259ni yox, el-al\u0259min q\u0131na\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcn tutdular. Ax\u0131r\u0131m da bu…<\/p>\n
S\u00f6hb\u0259t etdikc\u0259 aura daha da a\u011f\u0131rla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. T\u0259ran\u0259nin g\u00f6zl\u0259ri dolur v\u0259 a\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131. S\u00f6hb\u0259ti uzatmadan yekunla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b, oradan uzaqla\u015fd\u0131m. Ancaq fikrimd\u0259 o qad\u0131n\u0131n do\u011fmalar\u0131n\u0131, evini, \u0259n \u0259sas\u0131 is\u0259, xo\u015fb\u0259xtliyini itirm\u0259si dola\u015fd\u0131.
\n![\""\u018frim](\"https:\/\/upload.az\/foto\/arxiv\/k2_51556535088.jpg\")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
H\u0259r qad\u0131n\u0131n ist\u0259yi onu xo\u015fb\u0259xt ed\u0259n ki\u015finin yan\u0131nda olmaqd\u0131r. B\u0259z\u0259n erk\u0259n ya\u015fda m\u0259cbur\u0259n \u0259r\u0259 veril\u0259n q\u0131zc\u0131\u011fazlar\u0131n \u00fcr\u0259yind\u0259ki arzular\u0131 pu\u00e7 olur. Onlar \u00f6zl\u0259ri \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn deyil, ba\u015fqalar\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ya\u015fama\u011fa m\u0259hkum olurlar. \u00d6z h\u00fcquqlar\u0131n\u0131 bilm\u0259d\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131n a\u011f\u0131r y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc z\u0259rif \u00e7iyinl\u0259rind\u0259 da\u015f\u0131ma\u011fa m\u0259cbur edilirl\u0259r. U\u015faq ola-ola u\u015faq d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259tirirl\u0259r. V\u0259 bundan sonra da \u00f6zl\u0259rinin ya\u015faya bilm\u0259dikl\u0259ri h\u0259yat\u0131 \u00f6vladlar\u0131na verm\u0259k arzusuyla t\u0259s\u0259lli tap\u0131rlar. Bel\u0259c\u0259, h\u0259yat\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259tinlikl\u0259rin\u0259 g\u00f6z yumaraq d\u00f6z\u00fcrl\u0259r. G\u00fclm\u0259y\u0259n \u00fczl\u0259rind\u0259 donmu\u015f u\u015faql\u0131q arzular\u0131, bu zavall\u0131 q\u0131zc\u0131\u011fazlar\u0131n hans\u0131 \u0259zablar\u0131 \u00e7\u0259kdiyini \u0259ks etdirir. 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