Hardan v\u0259 nec\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131m he\u00e7 \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 bilmir\u0259m. \u0130nsan\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131ndan ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri yazmaq el\u0259 d\u0259 asan bir \u015fey deyil. H\u0259l\u0259ki, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n ill\u0259rin ham\u0131s\u0131 g\u00fcnahlarla, pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131qla bir-birini izl\u0259mi\u015fs\u0259\u2026 Dill\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa yetm\u0259z bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r. M\u0259hz buna g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 yazma\u011fa q\u0259rar verdim.Bu otaq, masan\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 k\u00f6z\u0259r\u0259n \u00e7\u0131raq, \u0259limd\u0259 tutdu\u011fum bu q\u0259l\u0259m ancaq m\u0259nim pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131ma son ver\u0259 bil\u0259r. M\u0259nim ad\u0131m N\u0259sirdir. Ancaq h\u0259r k\u0259s m\u0259n\u0259 r\u0259is deyir. \u00c7\u00fcnki bu m\u0259nim i\u015fiml\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r. Art\u0131q q\u0131rx \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131m var v\u0259 m\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n \u0259n a\u011f\u0131r g\u00fcnl\u0259rimi ya\u015fay\u0131ram. \u00c7\u00fcnki:<\/p>\n
Atam v\u0259zif\u0259li \u015f\u0259xs idi v\u0259 o b\u00fct\u00fcn pullar\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259nim t\u0259hsilimin \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 t\u00f6k\u00fcrd\u00fc. M\u0259n is\u0259 g\u0259nc oldu\u011fumdan, \u00f6z\u00fcm \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dostlar\u0131mla yeyib-i\u00e7ib kef edirdim. Ancaq o m\u0259ni Moskvaya g\u00f6nd\u0259rdi. H\u00fcquq ixtisas\u0131 \u00fczr\u0259 ali t\u0259hsilimi m\u00fcv\u0259ff\u0259qiyy\u0259tl\u0259 ba\u015fa vurub, Az\u0259rbaycana qay\u0131td\u0131m. \u0130yirmi iki ya\u015f\u0131m olard\u0131 s\u0259hv etmir\u0259ms\u0259\u2026 Ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u0259n \u00e7\u0131l\u011f\u0131n vaxt\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131m. H\u0259min g\u00fcnl\u0259rin q\u0259drini bilm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn, h\u0259r ax\u015fam moteld\u0259 bir q\u0131zla gec\u0259l\u0259yirdim. Atam is\u0259 \u0259limd\u0259 diplom ola-ola h\u0259d\u0259r olma\u011f\u0131m\u0131 ist\u0259mirdi. O m\u0259ni Bak\u0131dak\u0131 h\u0259bsxanalar\u0131n birind\u0259 i\u015f\u0259 d\u00fcz\u0259ltdi. T\u00fcrm\u0259nin r\u0259isi il\u0259 dost idi, m\u0259n is\u0259 art\u0131q r\u0259isin m\u00fcavini idim.<\/p>\n
H\u0259r \u015fey qaydas\u0131nda gedirdi. \u00d6z pulumu qazand\u0131qca, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc art\u0131q ki\u015fi kimi hiss edirdim. Anam y\u0259qin ki, m\u0259ni bel\u0259 g\u00f6rs\u0259ydi f\u0259xr ed\u0259rdi m\u0259niml\u0259. Ancaq m\u0259n \u00f6z anam\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. \u00c7\u00fcnki, o m\u0259ni do\u011fanda yumurtal\u0131qlar\u0131nda par\u00e7alanma ba\u015f vermi\u015f v\u0259 qan axmadan v\u0259fat etmi\u015fdi. M\u0259n anadan olan vaxt tibb bu g\u00fcn ki, q\u0259d\u0259r inki\u015faf etm\u0259mi\u015fdi. Ehh.. N\u0259ys\u0259\u2026 Atam m\u0259nim ad\u0131m\u0131 buna g\u00f6r\u0259 “N\u0259sir\u201d qoydu. \u00c7\u00fcnki el\u0259 ilk n\u0259sliyim anam\u0131 \u00f6ld\u00fcrm\u0259k olmu\u015fdu\u2026<\/p>\n
Bir d\u0259f\u0259 m\u0259nim i\u015fl\u0259diyim h\u0259bsxanaya \u00e7ox g\u0259nc bir q\u0131z g\u0259tirmi\u015fdil\u0259r. \u0130\u015f yolda\u015flar\u0131m o q\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6z\u0259lliyi haqq\u0131nda o q\u0259d\u0259r dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131lar ki, m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox maraq yaranm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Yolda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 dediyin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 bu q\u0131z q\u0131rx s\u0259kkiz ya\u015fl\u0131 \u0259rini \u00f6ld\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. Q\u0131z\u0131n is\u0259 on d\u00f6rd ya\u015f\u0131 var idi. M\u0259n bunlar\u0131 fikirl\u0259\u015fmirdim. Onu h\u0259bsxanaya yeni g\u0259tirmi\u015fdil\u0259r dey\u0259, ilk vaxtdan kalona salmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131lar. O ki\u00e7ik bir kabin\u0259d\u0259 qal\u0131rd\u0131. Bir g\u00fcn ev\u0259 ged\u0259rk\u0259n o q\u0131z\u0131 fikirl\u0259\u015fdim ki, nec\u0259 biridir?! A\u00e7ar\u0131 qarovul\u00e7udan ald\u0131m, kabin\u0259nin qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7d\u0131m. M\u0259n qap\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7ar-a\u00e7maz o aya\u011fa qalxd\u0131\u2026 H\u0259qiq\u0259t\u0259n yolda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n dediyi q\u0259d\u0259r var imi\u015f\u2026 Sar\u0131 sa\u00e7lar\u0131, ala g\u00f6zl\u0259ri, ir\u0259li duran dodaqlar\u0131. Ond\u00f6rd ya\u015f\u0131 olmas\u0131na baxmayaraq h\u0259dd\u0259n art\u0131q cazib\u0259dar b\u0259d\u0259ni var idi. M\u0259n durub g\u00f6zl\u0259riml\u0259 onu diqq\u0259tl\u0259 s\u00fcz\u00fcrd\u00fcm, o is\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 qorxa-qorxa bax\u0131r, \u0259ll\u0259ri \u0259sirdi\u2026 D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm ki, zat\u0259n psixoloji probleml\u0259r ya\u015fay\u0131r. Buna g\u00f6r\u0259 tez qap\u0131n\u0131 ba\u011flad\u0131m v\u0259 oran\u0131 t\u0259rk etdim\u2026<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Bir ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn sonra yolda\u015flar\u0131mdan biri olan Rasimin ad g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00fc ke\u00e7irdik. R\u0259isimiz ged\u0259nd\u0259n sonra ham\u0131 m\u0259nim ota\u011f\u0131ma g\u0259ldi v\u0259 \u00e7oxlu araq i\u00e7ib, sa\u011fl\u0131q dedik. Ba\u015f\u0131m el\u0259 h\u0259rl\u0259nirdi ki\u2026 Yolda\u015flar\u0131m da art\u0131q s\u0259rxo\u015f olmu\u015fdular. \u015eer s\u00f6yl\u0259yib a\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131lar, gah da g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r\u2026M\u0259ns\u0259 i\u00e7\u0259rid\u0259ki o ala g\u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131 fikirl\u0259\u015firdim. Onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u0259nd\u0259 m\u0259ni \u015f\u0259hv\u0259t hissi b\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fcrd\u00fc\u2026 Art\u0131q gec\u0259 yar\u0131s\u0131 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131. S\u0259kkiz araq butulkas\u0131 bo\u015falm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.Yolda\u015flar\u0131m h\u0131\u00e7q\u0131r\u0131b m\u00fcrg\u00fcl\u0259yirdil\u0259r. M\u0259ns\u0259 otaqdan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m v\u0259 zirz\u0259miy\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f getm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00c7ox i\u00e7mi\u015fdim dey\u0259 b\u00fcdr\u0259yirdim. Divara s\u00fcrt\u00fcl\u0259-s\u00fcrt\u00fcl\u0259 qarovul\u00e7unun yan\u0131na \u00e7atd\u0131m. Ona dedim ki, \u0259g\u0259r i\u015fd\u0259n qovulmamaq ist\u0259yirs\u0259ns\u0259 a\u00e7ar\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 ver, buran\u0131 t\u0259rk et v\u0259 sus! O da qorxusundan dediyimi etdi. Onun getdiyind\u0259n \u0259min olduqdan sonra d\u0259mir qap\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7d\u0131m. Qaranl\u0131qdan q\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rinin alt\u0131 \u015fi\u015fib v\u0259 qaralm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Yerd\u0259 d\u0259mir qablar var idi v\u0259 dibind\u0259 d\u0259 \u015forba var idi. M\u0259n i\u00e7\u0259ri girib dedim ki, ad\u0131n n\u0259dir? O is\u0259 cavab verm\u0259di. B\u0259rk \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rd\u0131m v\u0259 oda \u0259s\u0259-\u0259s\u0259 ad\u0131n\u0131n S\u0259bin\u0259 oldu\u011funu dedi. Ona a\u011f\u0131r-a\u011f\u0131r yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131m. S\u0259rxo\u015flu\u011fum n\u0259fsimi par\u00e7alam\u0131\u015f v\u0259 \u015f\u0259hv\u0259t hissim g\u00fccl\u0259nmi\u015fdi. \u018flimi atd\u0131m onun sa\u00e7lar\u0131na v\u0259 s\u0131\u011fallamaq ist\u0259dim. O is\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kildi bir add\u0131m geri v\u0259 beli divara s\u00f6yk\u0259ndi. N\u0259s\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259yirdi, ancaq dodaqlar\u0131 qorxudan qurumu\u015fdu. \u0130ndi ki, kimi xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram..<\/p>\n
\u0130ki \u0259liml\u0259 sif\u0259tind\u0259n tutub dodaqlar\u0131ndan \u00f6pm\u0259k ist\u0259dim, ancaq m\u0259ni b\u0259rk geri it\u0259l\u0259di, aya\u011f\u0131m d\u0259mir qab\u0131n i\u00e7in\u0259 girdi v\u0259 s\u00fcr\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb y\u0131x\u0131ld\u0131m. O, a\u011flaya-a\u011flaya, yalvarma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. M\u0259ns\u0259 \u00e7ox \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259\u015fdim, yataqdan tutaraq aya\u011fa qalxd\u0131m v\u0259 onun \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 m\u00f6hk\u0259m \u015fill\u0259 vurdum v\u0259 o yer\u0259 y\u0131x\u0131ld\u0131. M\u0259nim onu \u0259l\u0259 ke\u00e7irm\u0259yim m\u00fcmk\u00fcns\u00fcz idi, alt\u0131mda \u00e7abalay\u0131rd\u0131. O h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rmaq ist\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 \u015fill\u0259 v\u0259 yumruqla onu susdururdum. Art\u0131q o keyimi\u015fdi. M\u0259nd\u0259 v\u0259h\u015fi kimi onun paltar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131rd\u0131m. Az ya\u015f\u0131 olmas\u0131na baxmayaraq d\u00f6\u015fl\u0259ri \u00e7ox g\u00f6z\u0259l v\u0259 dik g\u00f6rs\u0259nirdi.B\u0259d\u0259ni h\u0259r bir ki\u015fini ba\u015fdan \u00e7\u0131xarard\u0131. Onun d\u00f6\u015fl\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b a\u011fz\u0131na t\u0131xam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m ki, q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rmas\u0131n. M\u0259n d\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259s\u0259-t\u0259l\u0259s\u0259 \u015falvar\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131m v\u0259 onu zorlama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. D\u00fcz g\u00f6zl\u0259rinin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131rd\u0131m bu halda, ala g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259n \u00e7ox s\u00fcr\u0259tl\u0259 ya\u015f ax\u0131rd\u0131. Seks \u0259snas\u0131nda g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 kefimi pozur. Buna g\u00f6r\u0259 onu a\u011fz\u0131 \u00fcst\u0259 uzad\u0131b, sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 \u0259ll\u0259rim\u0259 dolad\u0131m v\u0259 d\u00fcz ba\u011f\u0131rsa\u011f\u0131ndan zorlama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. Qaranl\u0131qda hiss etmirdim, ancaq sonda hiss etdim ki, yer qan\u0131n i\u00e7\u0259risind\u0259di. \u00c7\u00fcnki onu \u00e7ox s\u0259rt zorlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Bu g\u00fcn\u0259 kimi Bak\u0131dan tutmu\u015f, Moskvaya q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox q\u0131zlarla bir olmu\u015fdum. Ancaq S\u0259bin\u0259d\u0259 ba\u015fqa bir \u015fey var idi. S\u00f6zl\u0259 ifad\u0259 olunmaz bir \u015fey. M\u0259hz buna g\u00f6r\u0259 onu h\u0259r gec\u0259 g\u0259lib zorlay\u0131rd\u0131m. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 o etiraz edirdi, m\u0259ns\u0259 \u015fidd\u0259tli d\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Bu g\u00fcn o s\u0259hn\u0259l\u0259ri xat\u0131rlay\u0131b, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaya bilmir\u0259m. S\u0259bin\u0259nin can\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259n qurtuldu, \u00e7\u00fcnki onu kalona apard\u0131lar. Sonra e\u015fitdim ki, bir ne\u00e7\u0259 ay psixoloji dispanserd\u0259 yat\u0131b\u2026<\/p>\n
**
\nBu hadis\u0259nin \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259n ill\u0259r ke\u00e7di. Vaxt el\u0259 ke\u00e7di ki, he\u00e7 \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 hiss etm\u0259dim.Arxamda ne\u00e7\u0259 ill\u0259ri qoydum. Atam\u0131 basd\u0131rd\u0131m, ail\u0259 qurdum.Art\u0131q Universitet\u0259 ged\u0259n bir o\u011flum v\u0259 bir q\u0131z\u0131m da var. Onlar\u0131 \u00e7ox sevir\u0259m. Ancaq onlar m\u0259ni sevmir. \u00c7\u00fcnki he\u00e7 vaxt onlara vaxt ay\u0131ra bilmirdim. M\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bu q\u0131z\u0131 atam tapm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Dostunun q\u0131z\u0131 idi. M\u0259n pis ata oldum, ancaq o yax\u015f\u0131 ana oldu. Art\u0131q ev\u0259 getmirdim, \u00e7\u00fcnki h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 ev\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259 dava d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fc. H\u0259tta o\u011fluma \u015fill\u0259 vurmu\u015fdum, o da m\u0259n\u0259 cavab z\u0259rb\u0259si endirmi\u015fdi. Q\u0131z\u0131m m\u0259n\u0259 nifr\u0259t edir. Ail\u0259mi hidd\u0259tl\u0259ndir\u0259c\u0259k \u0259n \u0259sas \u015fey is\u0259 bu ya\u015f\u0131mda cavan bir q\u0131z sevm\u0259yim oldu. Hissl\u0259rim\u0259 he\u00e7 vaxt sahib \u00e7\u0131xa bilm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. Sevgi hissi d\u0259 n\u0259 vaxt, n\u0259 zaman g\u0259lir bilm\u0259k olmur. Arvad\u0131m\u0131n, ushaqlar\u0131m\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 bu hadis\u0259si art\u0131q m\u0259ni diksindirmi\u015fdi h\u0259r \u015fey\u0259. Lakin:<\/p>\n
M\u0259n art\u0131q \u015f\u0259h\u0259rin polis idar\u0259sinin r\u0259isi olmu\u015fdum. Dostumun toyunda r\u0259isl\u0259rl\u0259 oturub sa\u011fl\u0131q deyib, vururduq. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 i\u00e7ki i\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259 S\u0259bin\u0259ni xat\u0131rlay\u0131rd\u0131m. Buna g\u00f6r\u0259 art\u0131q bir q\u0259d\u0259hd\u0259n art\u0131q i\u00e7mir\u0259m. Nec\u0259 bir g\u00fcnah i\u015fl\u0259diyimi xat\u0131rlad\u0131r v\u0259 bu da m\u0259n\u0259 \u0259ziyy\u0259t verir. N\u0259ys\u0259\u2026<\/p>\n
Toyda m\u0259nim g\u00f6z\u00fcm k\u0259nar masadaki, sar\u0131\u015f\u0131n bir q\u0131za sata\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Dayanmadan bir-birimiz\u0259 bax\u0131rd\u0131q. O hava almaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xanda, m\u0259nd\u0259 onunla \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. N\u0259s\u0259 bu q\u0131za yaman qaynam\u0131\u015fd\u0131 qan\u0131m. Onunla s\u00f6hb\u0259t etdim.Ad\u0131 is\u0259 Tamara idi v\u0259 bel\u0259c\u0259 tan\u0131\u015fd\u0131q\u2026<\/p>\n
\u00dcst\u00fcnd\u0259n xeyli vaxt ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259n sonra o m\u0259ni sevdi, m\u0259nd\u0259 onu. M\u0259nim dig\u0259r evim\u0259 g\u0259lirdi v\u0259 onunla \u00e7ox sevi\u015firdim. M\u00fcasir d\u00f6vr\u00fcn q\u0131zlar\u0131 m\u0259ni daha \u00e7ox h\u0259y\u0259canland\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131. O yan\u0131mda olanda, bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 i\u015f\u0259 d\u0259 getm\u0259mi\u015fdim. Tamara il\u0259 yataqdan \u00e7\u0131xmaq ist\u0259mirdim. O m\u0259n\u0259 yenid\u0259n seks \u00f6yr\u0259tmi\u015fdi. Sevi\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 aid yeni taktikalar \u00f6yr\u0259dirdi. Bu is\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259zz verirdi. Onun bakir\u0259liyini m\u0259n pozmu\u015fdum. \u0130lk ki\u015fisi m\u0259n oldu\u011fumdan, ona h\u0259r g\u00fcn h\u0259diyy\u0259l\u0259r al\u0131b g\u0259tirirdim. V\u0259 bir g\u00fcn:<\/p>\n
M\u0259n\u0259 dedi ki, “M\u0259n hamil\u0259y\u0259m\u201d. M\u0259ns\u0259 onu yar\u0131 yolda buraxa bilm\u0259zdim.Tamaran\u0131 \u00e7ox sevirdim. M\u0259ni \u00e7ox rahatlad\u0131r v\u0259 onun yan\u0131nda \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn d\u0259 d\u0259y\u0259rini bilirdim. Ail\u0259si haqq\u0131nda maraqlanmaq ist\u0259dim, ancaq o m\u0259n\u0259 atas\u0131n\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 v\u0259 yaln\u0131z anas\u0131n\u0131n oldu\u011funu dedi. Tamara gil\u0259 tezlikl\u0259 el\u00e7iliy\u0259 ged\u0259c\u0259yimi bildirdim v\u0259 bunun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259 bo\u015fanmal\u0131 idim.<\/p>\n
Gec\u0259 \u00f6z evim\u0259 getdim. He\u00e7 kim m\u0259n\u0259 salam verm\u0259di. M\u0259n arvad\u0131m\u0131, ushaqlar\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m v\u0259 izah etdim ki, bo\u015fanmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Evd\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck bir h\u0259ngam\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131. Arvad\u0131mla, q\u0131z\u0131m o\u011flum M\u0259tini saxlaya bilmirdil\u0259r. El\u0259c\u0259 deyirdi ki, “get q\u0131z\u0131n ya\u015f\u0131ndak\u0131 q\u0259hb\u0259nin yan\u0131na\u201d. Onun bu s\u00f6z\u00fc m\u0259ni \u00e7ox \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259\u015fdirdi v\u0259 m\u00f6hk\u0259m d\u00f6yd\u00fcm. He\u00e7 vaxt u\u015faqlar\u0131ma \u0259l qald\u0131rmaq ist\u0259m\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. Ancaq m\u0259nimd\u0259 s\u0259brimin bir h\u0259ddi var.<\/p>\n
Gec\u0259 ik\u0259n evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. Siqaretimi yand\u0131r\u0131b prospektl\u0259 g\u0259zib, \u0259s\u0259bimi da\u011f\u0131tmaq ist\u0259yirdim. Qaba\u011f\u0131m\u0131 qaranl\u0131qda \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6r\u0259 bilm\u0259diym bir qad\u0131n k\u0259sdi v\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 dedi ki, on manat ver bu gec\u0259 s\u0259nin olum.Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 qald\u0131r\u0131b s\u00f6ym\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Ancaq \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 baxanda a\u011fl\u0131m\u0131 qa\u00e7\u0131racaqd\u0131m\u2026.<\/p>\n
Bu g\u00f6zl\u0259r, bu s\u0259s\u2026Bu S\u0259bin\u0259 idi.T\u00fcrm\u0259d\u0259 zorlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m q\u0131z. O da m\u0259ni tan\u0131d\u0131 v\u0259 \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131 \u0259lind\u0259n yer\u0259 burax\u0131b dizl\u0259rini yer\u0259 \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcb a\u011flama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. M\u0259n onu yax\u0131nl\u0131qdaki parka apar\u0131b s\u00f6hb\u0259t etm\u0259k ist\u0259dim. O m\u0259n\u0259 dedi ki, m\u0259nim bir q\u0131z\u0131m var art\u0131q. Dedim b\u0259s nec\u0259 oldu bu? \u018frind\u0259n bo\u015fand\u0131n? Dedi ki, yox. T\u00fcrm\u0259d\u0259 do\u011fdum\u2026 \u2013 Bu s\u00f6z\u00fc m\u0259ni \u00e7ox qorxuzdu. Ona t\u00fcrm\u0259d\u0259 toxunan yegan\u0259 ki\u015fi m\u0259n olmu\u015fdum. Dedim, “y\u0259ni?\u201d. Y\u0259nisi is\u0259 qorxudu\u011fum cavab oldu. Q\u0131z\u0131n m\u0259nd\u0259n oldu\u011funu dedi. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u0259ll\u0259rim\u0259 al\u0131b, sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 ovu\u015fdururdum. S\u0259bin\u0259 is\u0259 el\u0259c\u0259 a\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131. \u00d6z \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 deyirdi ki, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131ma baxa bilm\u0259m\u0259yim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 pula ki\u015fil\u0259rl\u0259 yat\u0131ram.<\/p>\n
Ona dedim ki, q\u0131z\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259k ist\u0259yir\u0259m. S\u0259bin\u0259, \u00e7ox etiraz edib yalvard\u0131. Ancaq sabah bu parka g\u0259tirm\u0259yin\u0259 m\u0259cbur etdim. Q\u0131z\u0131m il\u0259 ba\u015fqa adla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259kdim.Ona atas\u0131 oldu\u011fumu dem\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kdim. Bunu \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259d\u0259n S\u0259bin\u0259y\u0259 bildirdim.<\/p>\n
***
\nS\u0259h\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Dediyim yer\u0259 vaxt\u0131ndan tez g\u0259ldim. G\u00f6zl\u0259dim\u2026G\u00f6zl\u0259dim\u2026 S\u0259bin\u0259ni uzaqdan g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. O yaln\u0131z g\u0259lirdi. S\u0259bin\u0259y\u0259 salam verm\u0259mi\u015f dedim ki, q\u0131z hardad\u0131. O m\u0259n\u0259 dedi ki, ma\u011fazaya girib v\u0259 indi g\u0259lir. Uzaqdan Tamaran\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bu parkdan ke\u00e7irdi v\u0259 m\u0259nl\u0259 S\u0259bin\u0259y\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131. Q\u0259rib\u0259 olmu\u015fdu o da. G\u0259lib d\u00fcz qar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zda dayand\u0131. S\u0259bin\u0259 dedi ki, ” BU DA M\u018fN\u0130M QIZIM\u201d.<\/p>\n
***
\nBirinci ba\u015f\u0131m h\u0259rl\u0259ndi, sonra n\u0259f\u0259s ala bilm\u0259dim v\u0259 sonra \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n ke\u00e7dim. G\u00f6zl\u0259rimi a\u00e7anda \u00fcr\u0259k dispanserind\u0259 idim. \u0130nfarkt ke\u00e7irmi\u015f\u0259m, h\u0259kiml\u0259rin dediyin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 o\u011flum var idi. Bir h\u0259ft\u0259 o m\u0259n\u0259 bax\u0131bm\u0131\u015f. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi a\u00e7anda S\u0259bin\u0259 il\u0259 Tamaran\u0131 xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram v\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n ke\u00e7ir\u0259m. \u0130ndi bildiniz m\u0259nim nec\u0259 bir insan oldu\u011fumu?! \u0130yirmi il bundan \u0259vv\u0259l bir q\u0131z zorlad\u0131m, x\u0259b\u0259rim olmadan o hamil\u0259 qal\u0131b v\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyin \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259n iyirmi il ke\u00e7ib. M\u0259n bir q\u0131z sevdim v\u0259 hamil\u0259 buraxd\u0131m. Sevi\u015fdiyim q\u0131z \u00f6z q\u0131z\u0131m imi\u015f\u2026<\/p>\n
M\u0259nim yerimd\u0259 siz olsan\u0131z n\u0259 ed\u0259rsiniz?! Bilir\u0259m ki, m\u0259nim etdiyimi ed\u0259rsiniz. \u00c7\u00fcnki he\u00e7 kim bu g\u00fcnahla ya\u015faya bilm\u0259z. Hal-haz\u0131rda siyirm\u0259d\u0259n d\u00f6vl\u0259tin verdiyi silah\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131ram v\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131ma vuraca\u011fam ki, beynimd\u0259n t\u00f6k\u00fcl\u0259n qan m\u0259nim imzam olsun\u2026 \u018flvida\u2026
\n\/Qaynarx\u0259tt
\nM\u00fc\u0259llif: Nicat Kaz\u0131mov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hardan v\u0259 nec\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131m he\u00e7 \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 bilmir\u0259m. \u0130nsan\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131ndan ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri yazmaq el\u0259 d\u0259 asan bir \u015fey deyil. H\u0259l\u0259ki, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n ill\u0259rin ham\u0131s\u0131 g\u00fcnahlarla, pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131qla bir-birini izl\u0259mi\u015fs\u0259\u2026 Dill\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa yetm\u0259z bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r. M\u0259hz buna g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 yazma\u011fa q\u0259rar verdim.Bu otaq, masan\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 k\u00f6z\u0259r\u0259n \u00e7\u0131raq, \u0259limd\u0259 tutdu\u011fum bu q\u0259l\u0259m ancaq m\u0259nim pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131ma son ver\u0259 bil\u0259r. M\u0259nim ad\u0131m N\u0259sirdir. Ancaq h\u0259r k\u0259s m\u0259n\u0259 r\u0259is deyir. \u00c7\u00fcnki bu m\u0259nim i\u015fiml\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r. Art\u0131q q\u0131rx \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131m var v\u0259 m\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n \u0259n a\u011f\u0131r g\u00fcnl\u0259rimi ya\u015fay\u0131ram. \u00c7\u00fcnki: Atam v\u0259zif\u0259li \u015f\u0259xs idi v\u0259 o b\u00fct\u00fcn pullar\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259nim t\u0259hsilimin…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":77191,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"gutentor_comment":0,"rttpg_featured_image_url":{"full":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"landscape":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"portraits":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c-228x300.jpg",228,300,true],"large":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false],"post-thumbnail":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c-240x172.jpg",240,172,true],"advps-thumb-one":["https:\/\/arantv.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/1499024480_6bd5071e-481a-492f-bf2d-dc6dff792c1c.jpg",417,549,false]},"rttpg_author":{"display_name":"V\u00fcsal Rafiqo\u011flu","author_link":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/?author=2"},"rttpg_comment":0,"rttpg_category":"C\u0259miyy\u0259t<\/a>","rttpg_excerpt":"Hardan v\u0259 nec\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131m he\u00e7 \u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 bilmir\u0259m. \u0130nsan\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131ndan ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri yazmaq el\u0259 d\u0259 asan bir \u015fey deyil. H\u0259l\u0259ki, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n ill\u0259rin ham\u0131s\u0131 g\u00fcnahlarla, pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131qla bir-birini izl\u0259mi\u015fs\u0259\u2026 Dill\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa yetm\u0259z bu s\u00f6zl\u0259r. M\u0259hz buna g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 yazma\u011fa q\u0259rar verdim.Bu otaq, masan\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rind\u0259 k\u00f6z\u0259r\u0259n \u00e7\u0131raq, \u0259limd\u0259 tutdu\u011fum bu q\u0259l\u0259m ancaq m\u0259nim pe\u015fman\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131ma son ver\u0259 bil\u0259r. M\u0259nim ad\u0131m…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77190"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=77190"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77190\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/77191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=77190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=77190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/arantv.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=77190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}